College and other ordinary things

There is so much stuff in my head right now that I think it might explode.
This is not a joke. There is SO MUCH that I want to say, but it's all bouncing around inside my head like a bb in a boxcar, and I don't know where to start. Everything that I think has a life of its own. It wants to be said. It wants to make it's way out of my head and through my mouth or my fingers and into the world. Sometimes, that happens without my consent, and right now I fee like that would be a horrible idea.

I want to let it out. I want to be honest and let everyone know what I'm thinking. But at the same time, I don't want to come off as one of those brilliantly honest people who has more enemies than friends because they want to always tell the truth. (honestly, that's what I'd like to be. but I'm not strong enough to have that many enemies.)

I want to tell people that they need to let loose and experience things that scare them, or that they may not like, or that might hurt them. I want to tell people not to dwell over what has happened because it's all in the past now. There's no way you can change it - no way you can change him. The outcome would have been the same whether it happened when it did or tomorrow. I want to tell people to make up their minds! To just let it go and make the choice that will be the best for you. Stop making me wait. I need to know. I need to get on with my life and stop waiting for you to catch up with me. I want to say: stop being so critical! I'm trying as hard as I can to be as good as I can be. And that should be enough for now.

I also want to tell the world that I WANT TO BE A HISTORY MAJOR. That I'm passionate about what happpened and the people who came before me. That I love to hear their stories and love to tell them to others. I want to teach. I want others to be as interested in the past as I am. I want to make a difference.

That also means that everyone who said "well, it would be better if you went to Murray" can SUCK IT. I don't want to hear it again. I won't be going to Murray, and I am so happy about that. And once I change my major, you can't tell me that Murray would be the better choice either, because I can learn about the past anywhere.

I want to be me. I want you to love me for that. And I know that someday I will find you.

That is all.